Toxic Positivity: Is it possible for everything to really be “okay” all the time?
Nope, I don’t think so… Is it “not okay” to be devastated when we are grieving, or is “everything happens for a reason”? What about being upset by a recent breakup or when you find out that you have an illness- do you need to “look on the bright side”? Let’s think the other way round… is it “okay” to feel unsatisfied and overwhelmed when you get praised or is “happiness a choice”?
Toxic positivists tend to say that people have to maintain positive vibes no matter how hard things get.
Toxic positivism deprives people of the genuine support they require to cope with their circumstances. While maintaining a positive mentality is beneficial, toxic positivity originates from the belief that the ideal or only way to deal with a difficult circumstance is to put a “positive spin” on it and avoid dwelling on the negative. It stems from our predisposition to overvalue pleasant emotional experiences while devaluing negative ones.”
We are all aware that having a positive view of life is beneficial to one’s mental health. The issue is that life is not always about pleasant things happening to us. We all have difficult feelings and experiences to cope with. Those feelings, even the unpleasant ones are vital and should be felt and handled openly and truthfully. This mindset not only emphasizes the significance of optimism but also reduces and ignores any human feeling that isn’t purely pleasant or positive.
“Too much good can be bad”
“Positive vibes only” can be harmful, that’s right! Think about it, when we’re going through tough times, we want to share our feelings with someone and be able to gain unconditional support.
During times of intense personal distress, rejecting negative feelings and engraining positive ones can be particularly irritating. When people are dealing with difficult circumstances such as financial difficulties, health issues, or death, being advised to “focus on the good” might sound harsh.
In a study by Ford et. al. (2018), more than 1,300 adults were studied to see if there was a link between emotional acceptance and psychological wellbeing. They discovered that people who avoid facing difficult emotions on a regular basis felt worse. This indeed suggests that accepting negative feelings instead of ignoring or rejecting them may be better for a person’s mental wellbeing in the future.
Toxic positivity can be damaging to both motivation and self-esteem. It depends on magical thinking to reach goals rather than being motivated to put in some effort. It emphasizes the belief that adopting a positive attitude will be sufficient to change things however, it only leads to suppression of feelings. It rejects the fact that the suppressed feelings can accumulate over time damaging mental health.
Dealing with Toxic Positivity
There are actions you can do to build a better, more supportive approach if you’ve been influenced by toxic positivity — or if you identify this kind of conduct in yourself.
Learning to manage your emotions is necessary for overcoming toxic positivity. Psychiatrist Sue Varma suggests having a safe place to store your emotions, such as a notebook or a hobby that allows you to address all of your emotions. It’s critical to provide room for your emotions so that you can name what you’re feeling without criticizing how you’re feeling.
What is the source of this emotion? What is it attempting to convey to me?
Emotional flexibility is defined as the ability to manage life’s twists and turns with self-acceptance, understanding, and an open mind. You may reframe the story by embracing your feelings with strength and kindness.
People practicing unconditional self-acceptance, or letting themselves feel whatever feelings arise without judgment, are less prone to depression.
At Moodcare, we serve a variety of activities that helps you to accept and understand your emotions. Moody can guide you to keep a journal on your emotions, or it can direct you to the audio library where you can reach exercises to learn how to deal with your emotions in a healthier way.
Take home message
To the person who needs support: Accept your feelings rather than denying them, and develop a more balanced attitude on how you feel.
To the supporter: Instead of saying “Choose happiness!” try, “I understand how you’re feeling, what can I do to help you?”
At Moodcare, we embrace every emotion and give equal value to each. You can share both positive and negative feelings with our therapeutic chatbot Moody.It will be there to give you unconditional support.
Author
Selen Gönül
Clinical Psychologist, MSc.
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